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Shanna Swendson's Boyfriend List

Onceuponstilettos_1Shanna Swendson is on the GCC with me and her sequel to Enchanted Inc. is finally here. It's called Once Upon Stillettos and here's what I can tell you. Manhattan career girl works for giant magic corporation because she has a special immunity to magic. Hunky wizards. Romance. Magical sleuthing. High heels.
What's not to love?

Romantic Times Bookclub says: "Swendson offers a fresh spin on a genre in this exceptional Manhattan fairytale."

So anyway.
Shanna's boyfriend list reads like a catalog of superheroes. You gotta love that. The Incredible Disappearing Man! Lingerie man! Jabberjaws! Sleeping Bag Guy!

My list of bad almost-boyfriends
by Shanna Swendson

I haven't had a lot of real boyfriends, mostly because I manage to either
weed them out before they become real boyfriends or because they disappear
on me before they become real boyfriends. So here's my list of bad
almost-boyfriends. Names have been changed to protect the guilty (or because
I don't remember them).

1) The Incredible Disappearing Man #1 -- He might have actually made it to
boyfriend status, but it was hard to tell because he kept disappearing for
weeks at a stretch, usually right after doing something that convinced me he
really might have been a real boyfriend. After he finally disappeared for
good, I ran into him at a wedding reception a year later, and he not only
acted like nothing odd had happened, he acted like we'd never been more than
acquaintances. I suspect alien abduction.

2) Sir Galahad (Not!) -- I'd had a crush on this guy for years, and then
just as I'd given up on him, he noticed me. We went out for a couple of
times before I had to have knee surgery. A week or so after the surgery,
when my knee was still swollen to about the size of a basketball, I was
still on crutches, and I was living in a third-floor apartment so that I had
to really, really want to go out before I made the effort, he called to ask
me out on a date. I explained to him that I didn't really feel up to going
out on a date, seeing as how I was on crutches, my knee was swollen, I was
on heavy painkillers, etc., and he said, "When I'm dating someone, I like to
actually go out with them." It apparently never crossed his mind that this
was his chance to be a real hero and show up with a take-out dinner and a
movie rental and then wait on me hand and foot. I'd just taken one of the
heavy painkillers, so I don't remember what I said to him in response, but
it must have been good because he avoided me after that.

3) Sleeping Bag Guy -- I met this one at an out-of-town conference. We
really hit it off, hung out together through the whole conference, and
exchanged e-mail addresses. We e-mailed back and forth a few times, then he
announced that he'd be on vacation in my area and he'd like to see me. We
made plans to get together for some sightseeing, and I invited him to my
place for dinner. Very late that night after dinner, I was starting to make
the "it's getting late" hints, and he said, "I brought a sleeping bag. Can I
crash at your place?" It turned out that my house was his planned hotel for
his "vacation." I ended up kicking him out after two days and never heard
from him again.

4-6) Incredible Disappearing Men #s 2-4 -- I went through a phase where I'd
meet really great guys, have fun first dates, have great second dates where
we seemed to truly connect, and then he'd end those second dates by talking
about how much he wanted to get together again, going so far as to plan the
next date except for the exact time and specific logistics. And then I'd
never hear from him again. When it happened several times in a row, it kind
of gave me a complex.

Enchantedinc_17) Lingerie Man -- I met this guy soon after Thanksgiving, so we'd only had
a couple of dates before it was Christmas time. I was still pondering
whether a card might be too much so soon when he announced that he had a
gift for me. I got suspicious when he said I had to open it when we were at
home alone and managed to avoid such a situation. Good thing, because his
gift turned out to be the ugliest, sleaziest get-up from Frederick's of
Hollywood. It was so not me it wasn't even funny. He did try to pass it off
as a joke, saying he'd just wanted to see my reaction (red flag #1). Later,
when he started calling me to ask me out on Friday afternoons and accused me
of avoiding him if I'd already made other plans or if I was sick (I even had
a doctor's note), more red flags came up and I dumped him.

8) Jabberjaws -- I met this guy at a party, and he was a fun
conversationalist. But then when we went out, he told the same stories
again. And then again on our next date. I'm a good talker, myself, and I
couldn't get a word in edgewise. All he could talk about was himself and his
experiences. He couldn't even discuss the movies or concerts we'd seen
beyond "That reminds me of the time I ..." I actually fell asleep once
during a date, and he didn't even notice, he was so busy with his monologue.
I didn't go out with him again after that.

9-10) The Planners -- Another weird streak. Two different guys I dated
within months of each other did almost the same thing. They asked me out to
see a specific movie. Then they suggested getting dinner beforehand. As we
were coming out of the restaurant, they said, "Let's go see if the movie is
playing at that theater over there." It turned out they hadn't bothered to
find out where or when the movie they'd invited me to see was playing. With
one guy, I ended up driving from theater to theater (he claimed car trouble)
to see if that movie was playing, only to find out it had just started at
each of those theaters, so then we went back around to all the theaters to
see what else was playing, until I got tired of it and called it a night.
With the second guy, once we found that the movie he'd asked me to see
wasn't at the two closest theaters, I called it a night. I'm all for
spontaneity, but I feel like if you invite someone to do a specific thing,
you should at least find out where and when that thing is happening.

P.S. Shanna's blog is here, on LJ. And it is very fun reading.