I was the judge of Blogging for Books on Joshilyn Jackson's site last week, and am only now getting to post the WINNING blog entry on the subject of being a fly on the wall. It's funny, it's surprising, it's romantic, it's The Clutter Museum. Ms. Clutter won a free, signed copy of Fly on the Wall, and I hope she likes it!

Hi, E. and Tanya here.
The Titans Tour has come to an end.
We are sad.
We are also sad to say that no one got the Two Truths and a Lie answers for everyone correct! To refresh your memory, here were each tour members Two Truths and a Lie. Followed by short explanations. The lies are in bold.

Mr. Simon Cheshire
1) Hid from police in Shanghai. He was pretending he wasn't inside a taxi that was holding an illegal number of people. The driver said duck down, so he did.
2) Got bit by a King Cobra. In India. But it miraculously bit only his pant leg and not his skin.
3) Performed stand-up comedy in Stratford-upon-Avon. A BIG LIE. He only wishes he had.

The Lady Tanya Lee Stone
1) Climbed into a harbor seal tank wearing thigh high rubber boots. True.
2) Opened (as a singer) for the Paul Winter Consort at St. Paul's Cathedral. False. She opened for him, though, for real! Just not at St. Paul's.
3) Hopped down a hill at sunset with a herd of 200 kangaroos. It was in Australia. (!!??!)
Tanya's addendum: E. typed that, and I'm typing this--apparently E. is pleased that I went to Australia! As am I.
E's addendum: The !!??!! was because that was the explanation offered by Tanya as to why she was hopping down the hill with 200 kangaroos. As if, that's all anyone is ever doing in Australia!

Ms. Jen Bryant
1) Worked on a road crew for a civil engineering firm armed with a machete. Actual fact.
2) Exercised race horses on the farm where Kentucky Derby winner Smarty Jones was trained. LIE! She just wishes she had. She did work on a horse farm, but not such a high-falutin' one.
3) Worked in the bank at Dulles airport exchanging money because she speaks French and German. True indeed.

Her royal Highness E. Lockhart
1) Had a boyfriend in a heavy metal band. It was not a famous one or anything. In fact, they never played an actual gig - just practiced a lot and waved their hair around.
2) Once left cat barf to sit in the home office for many days un-cleaned up. Ugh. Really gross but true.
3) Played lacrosse in high school until she lost her stick, and then she quit on the spot. Never played a team sport in her life unless you count intramural bowling.

So, we should probably update you on our fabulous final events, as well, and not just our crazy car games!

After Philly, we went on to NYC. Simon was amazed at the hustle and bustle of Penn Station! On Wednesday morning, we went down to a favorite neighborhood (of T's, at least) and visited the Elizabeth Irwin High School, which is part of the Little Red Schoolhouse contingency. Karyn was a great host and the kids were fab--even the ones who were participating in the Day of Silence were enthusiastic--using facial expressions and hand gestures to express their glee. We LOVED them!

Then it was back uptown to Random House, where we met the wonderful online marketing team there, and had a roundtable interview with the folks from Teenreads.com. It was a lively discussion, to say the least!

In the afternoon we braved traffic and headed out to lovely Northport, Long Island, where we met MORE incredible librarians! Have we told you lately that we LOVE LIBRARIANS! The Northport Public Library has a beautiful facility and avid readers and much fun was had by all as the Teen Titans did their thing.

On Thursday we split up, sniff sniff, but the run of excellent events continued as we took Connecticut by storm. Simon, Jen, and E. went to Haddam, and Tanya went to Milford, where booksellers she went to HIGH SCHOOL with wanted to get the inside scoop!

Now we must leave you, and yes, we are sad. But it was FANTASTIC and we thank Judith and her team at Random House for setting up such wonderful events and being so incredibly nice to us.

Good night New York!

--E. and Tanya

Nichelle Tramble, who wrote The Dying Ground and The Last King, asked me some really hard questions.

Here are the teen titans looking, somewhat sadly to say, slightly less gorgeous than we are in person.
We are in a parking lot outside a bookstore.

By the way, that's Tanya, E., Simon & Jen. You can see Simon at his usual height. But Jen is standing down a curb, so picture her taller than that for real.
My chest looks weirdly enormous. It is not that big, people.

But anyway, there we are, and today we take New York!
More anon,

E

After a weekend spent having glamorous spa treatments (Tanya), vaccuming the car (Jen), seeing the great sights of Washington DC and risking death to see the residence of Edgar Allan Poe (Simon) and scarfing Thai food (E.)
you will be pleased to know the teen titans have reunited and are using their forces of good to promote teen reading (and their own books!) across the state of Pennsylvania!

Monday evening we went to the Parkland Community Library in Allentown, PA, where lively librarian Karen introduced us better than anyone we've seen introduce us in the history of our teen titandom. It was a nice, petite crowd, which made for intimate converstion.

From there we went to the Southern Lehigh public library in Center Valley where the fabulous librarian Christa did an amazing job getting teens to the library. On a beautiful, warm, Monday night. We felt like rock stars. E. talked about breast cupcakes, just for a change from talking about biscuits. Tanya much appreciated the segue from breast cupcakes into Bad Boy, for it was one of the only occasions in which someone was dirtier than she was!
(but really! they were only cupcakes, like actual baked goods.)

(The breast cupcake story is about Roo from The Boyfriend List, and it's from Not Like I'm Jealous or Anything, a story collection edited by Marissa Walsh, and it has stories by Susan Juby, Ned Vizzini, Jaclyn Moriarty and many others.)

The students at Lehigh asked a ton of questions and were all OVER Ms. T and her Bad Girl self. It was gooooooood.

We slept. Nothing happened until we woke up.

Then we went to Springfield High School in Springfield, PA. There was Pizza! and Pastries! and chocolate kisses!
This is the way the Titans like to be treated. A big crowd of enthusiastic teens, plus treats.

Now we're on our way to New York City, where more thrills await.

That's all, folks!

-E. & Tanya
(cross-posted to Tanya's blog)

I'm doing three public readings
two in Pennsylvania
one in Northport, NY
all with Jen Bryant (Pieces of Georgia, The Trial), Simon Cheshire (Kissing Vanessa, Plastic Fantastic) and Tanya Lee Stone (A Bad Boy Can Be Good for a Girl). Come on out and see us !

Monday, April 24th at 5:30 pm
Parkland Community Library
4422 Walbert Avenue
Allentown, PA 18104

Monday, April 24th at 7:00 pm
Southern Lehigh Public Library
3200 Preston Lane
Center Valley, PA

Wednesday, April 26th at 4 pm
Northport Public Library
151 Lauren Avenue
Northport, NY 11768

Here's where I'll be on Monday, with Jen Bryant (Pieces of Georgia, The Trial), Simon Cheshire (Kissing Vanessa, Plastic Fantastic) and Tanya Lee Stone (A Bad Boy Can Be Good for a Girl). Come on out and see us if you're in Pennsylvania!

Monday, April 24th at 5:30 pm
Parkland Community Library
4422 Walbert Avenue
Allentown, PA 18104

Monday, April 24th at 7:00 pm
Southern Lehigh Public Library
3200 Preston Lane
Center Valley, PA

Simon has taught us a new and only slightly naughty phrase: I am "shagged out". Which would seem to mean "I am exhausted from shagging", but really only means "exhausted." He assures us that it can be used in polite company, grandparents excluded.

We are SHAGGED OUT!
This tour is tiring! We will not blog again until Monday night at the earliest!
Have we mentioned that we are tired!??
(but we are not complaining! Not us! No! we are very happy to be here especially as 1) the teenagers are so fun to meet and 2) the hotel is posh.)

We learned another new phrase from Simon. "Chuffed" means pleased. This we knew. But it turns out that "chuffing" is not the same as pleasing! Not at all. Chuffing is shagging.

Confused yet? We are.

No one has gotten the Two Truths & a Lie quiz from yesterday right, yet (scroll down to see it) -- but some people have gotten SOME answers right. So keep trying if you like that sort of thing.

Tour update:
We signed at Politics & Prose in the morning, which was really, really nice. Our minder, James, took us on a tour of Washington, where we all referred to the Washington Monument as "the great gherkin" and E. realized that she had corrupted an entire carload of teen authors and spoilt the sanctity of a great patriotic symbol.
Oops.
But it was vair vair funny.

Then had lunch with our super duper sales rep Emily and folks from B&N and Borders shops in the DC area.
Then napped.
Then read at Barnes and Noble in Bethesda with the fabulous Fabby as our hostess. Some cool YA and fellow GCC members came out to see us, plus YA librarians and friends of Jen! And Tanya.

E., Jen and Tanya laughed so hard they cried during Simon's hilarious reading, the part in Kissing Vanessa where he (Simon) does the voice of the mother. Fish fingers? Every time he said it, it seemed funnier.

Now, we're done! Tune in next week for adventures in Pennsylvania and the New York City area.
G'night.

Here we are again! In the airport! yippeee!

E. & Tanya here, with Simon slouched two chairs away, and Jen looking over as E. types.

Last night, while Simon & Jen wisely retired to their rooms, E. and Tanya ate SO MUCH FRIED FOOD at the hotel bar. It was a little grodie, but entertaining. Then we went to sleep.

Today we had lunch with wonderful people from Joseph-Beth booksellers and did a presentation at Books and Company for students from the Miami Valley school. Kathi from Books & Co. was an excellent hostess. Thanks, all!

Now, the inside scoop. We spent much of the day in the car again. Monkey Butt!!!

And we played a game. You can play, too! It's called Two Truths & a Lie.

Here are Two Truths and a Lie about each one of us. If you want to have a guess, post a comment and if you get all four right, you can have a signed book from the author (E. or T.) on whose blog you commented!

Well, even if you don't feel like doing such a thing, we were greatly amused by the game, so here it is.

Mr. Simon Cheshire
1) Hid from police in Shanghai.
2) Got bit by a King Cobra.
3) Performed stand-up comedy in Stratford-upon-Avon.

The Lady Tanya Lee Stone
1) Climbed into a harbor seal tank wearing thigh high rubber boots.
2) Opened (as a singer) for the Paul Winter Consort at St. Paul's Cathedral.
3) Hopped down a hill at sunset with a herd of 200 kangaroos.

Ms. Jen Bryant
1) Worked on a road crew for a civil engineering firm armed with a machete.
2) Exercised race horses on the farm where Kentucky Derby winner Smarty Jones was trained.
3) Worked in the bank at Dulles airport exchanging money because she speaks French and German.

Her royal Highness E. Lockhart
1) Had a boyfriend in a heavy metal band.
2) Once left cat barf to sit in the home office for many days un-cleaned up.
3) Played lacrosse in high school until she lost her stick, and then she quit on the spot.

So, we are BIG FAT LIARS, but only a little bit. GUESS THE LIES and win a book.

Tomorrow, we are in Washington DC, at Politics & Prose in the morning, signing stock and at an event open to the public in the evening:

7 PM
4801 Bethesda Avenue, Bethesda, MD
Friday, April 21st

(cross posted to Tanya's blog)

Hey, E. and T. here—this morning started off with a beautiful drive up Lake Shore Drive on a clear sunny day, courtesy of our savvy escort Art. Jen was amazed by how big the lake is—it's a GREAT LAKE!
We got to the Book Stall in Winnetka with a few minutes to spare so stretched our legs to get rid of all Monkey Butts. (Monkey Butts, as we learned from cdaisym, is the proper name to attach to the tingly butt sensation E. described yesterday.)

We signed at the Book Stall, met the nice owners and admired their big, adorable children's section, then went back to FANCY LUNCH.

Yes, a fancy lunch was eaten and it was eaten with Booklist and Booklinks editors and we learned that EVERYONE LOVES JOHN GREEN. (he used to work at Booklist. We just love him – why? because he wrote an awesome book.) We had lively discussions of memoir, young adult literature and red peppers.

Hmmm, that was kind of it for the day. And it was good.

With a few hours to kill, T. realized she had left her comfy clothes at home and went to Old Navy for a new hoodie and jeans. Now T. is happy.

Oh.
Right.
We are such narcissists. (T. wants me to note that I said that yesterday – but it's TRUE)
So
Some about Simon Cheshire and Jen Bryant. Jen is very svelte and used to coach cross country running and did a ton of research for her books, the Trial (about the kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby) and Pieces of Georgia (about a girl whose life changes when she gets a free membership to the Brandywine museum from a mysterious source).

We have determined that Jen knows about these things: Gettysburg, running, colleges, Lindbergh, Georgia O'keefe.

Simon is very very funny and self-depracating. When he reads from his book Kissing Vanessa (about a 15-year old boy with a huge crush), everyone laughs and laughs and he's only talking about FISH FINGERS.
E. asked him, "how were you educated?" and he said, "badly."

We have determined that Simon knows about these things: fish fingers, teenage boys, UK publishing, the English countryside, being on the radio

We have determined that E. knows about these things: stinky cheese and catalog shopping.

We have determined that Tanya knows about these things: Abraham Lincoln and bunnies.

We are just about to board a plane for Dayton, Ohio, and hope you will tune in tomorrow.
Bye!

--E. Lockhart & Tanya Stone
on the road

(cross-posted to Tanya's blog!)