Revenge Gifts, by Cindy Cruciger (who is on the Girlfriends Cyber Circuit with me) is "romance for the lunatic fringe." It's about a woman -- Tara -- who is a lighting rod for ghosts, specifically ghosts seeking revenge. When the spirit goddess of love, envy, jealousy and revenge fixes on her, Tara's life turns around and her ten-year dating dry spell lifts. "But with all things good in a garden of evil a price must be paid..."
So. You can guess that Cindy's boyfriend list will be off the beaten path. And you'd be right! Plus, she sent over some darling pictures. And she married her best friend from high school!
Death by Dating
by Cindy Cruciger
1. --- and incidentally the worst date ever.
The guy picks me up and asks if I prefer a water bed or regular mattress. He said we were definitely "going to dinner and stuff" but he wanted to be sure he didn't blow the seduction thing later on. Apparently his previous date refused to "put out" because he had a waterbed and he'd arranged a back up location just in case for our date should it be needed.
The date ended right then and there and I never accepted a blind date ever again.
2. --- amazingly not a bad place but … Dude. Not happening. Ever …
First and only date. We went to a sports bar where – surprised the hell out of me – there was a Miss Tequila contest going on. Tequila is the reason I never ever drink more than two in twenty-four hours. Bad craziness happens. The female rep for the company came over and asked me directly to my face to enter the contest. She said she would wave the fees.
Hey! I cleaned up nice back then:
I said no. The date (Not the guy pictured with me above) was beside himself. Clearly, I was not the fun “Girl Gone Wild” he’d imagined. As he watched the models on stage pour water on their t-shirts and then rip them off, the date went further and further south with each foot of skin revealed. I ended the torment by introducing him to one of the losers and calling a friend to come get me.
3. --- I dated this one a few times but ..
I knew we would never hit it off when he insisted we would make the cutest engineer couple ever. Girl engineers did not want to be cute “anything” back then. We were fierce genius women and there was nothing cute, adorable or cuddly about us. There were five women in my class of five hundred men. Eat me, cute engineer man. Go troll the business college for dates.
--- Doomed because … well … he had bigger breasts than me
Ex-Quarter Back and I won’t say for which team. He cooked like a freaking dream and was handsome as hell. But. BUT. When he took off his shirt he had a better chest than me! I could not keep the women off of him and decided to set him free. To his credit he called repeatedly and did not want to accept that being too good looking was a negative in the dating world, but there you have it. Men like that are too much work.
5 --- Another football player for different nameless team ….
And my sorority sister has a lot to answer for with this one. If not for her I would never have met either of the two. He wasn’t hot in a traditional sense, but more importantly, he kept calling me Sweetie-pie. Not masculine and … see my engineer aversion to cuteness in any form.
My mind is blanking on details of the remaining few. I married my best friend from high school who also cooks like a dream and has never, ever called me Sweetie-pie. He calls me Sweat Pea but only when he requires a beating.