ZQ, a reader and English major, set in this awesome boyfriend list. It's succinct, sad, and very, very funny.
Thanks, ZQ!

-- E

1) Paul
first crush: opened the door for me at church.
started dating my best friend.

2) David
taught me how to play video games.
died in a car wreck when I was 13.

3) Josh
wrote him a note saying I liked his hair.
his mom thought I wanted to have sex with him.

4) Adam
my best friend's older brother.
army man.
totally hot.
got him to escort me to homecoming and I got to hang off of his arm for all of 30 seconds.

5) Andrew
"accidentally" ran into me while playing baseball and got a handful of goodies.
pissed me off enough that we didn't speak for about a year.

6) Jake
liked him for a week or two because everyone else in the youth group was taken.
he was too short.

6) TNO
first semi-relationship.
held hands.

7) Dusty
made me sneeze too much.

8) John
first "real" relationship.
first kiss.

9) Codename Shakespeare
but we only made out once.

10) Codename Amber
but we never made out.

11) Soup-Boy
but he smelled like soup so I didn't call him back.

12) Shenme
and he spoke Chinese.