Trouble (aka Literaticat) sent over this awesome Boyfriend List. Wow. She is obviously a woman of great appeal and not afraid of adventure, either!
She writes:
Inspired by E. Lockhart book The Boyfriend List (available in March at your local independant bookseller), I compiled my own. Boyfriend list, that is. It makes my life seem pretty lurid, and it makes me think I need to see a psychiatrist.
Boyfriend List
1. Colin. It was first grade. My friend Nicole and I were obsessed with this kid. By second grade, he started a club, which had an entrance requirement of a kiss. We each kissed him. His mouth tasted like boogers.
2. Name disguised, because you will guess who this is otherwise and I will blush. This was one of my classmates and friends who I crushed on. He could draw Donald Duck exquisitely. He was plucked from our ranks at about age 8 to be the child star of a rather long-running television show.
3. Blake: He was a sixth-grader when I was in fourth. He looked like you think a kid named "Blake" should look: Blond, athletic, and rich. Wow. (He didn’t know I existed).
4. Some camp counselor: I had elaborate fantasies that he was my boyfriend, despite the fact that I was ten and he was probably sixteen. Mrowwwr!
5. Alex?: my best friend in middle school and I both loved this boy named Alex. (I think – actually he may have been another, slightly more ethnic looking, Blake). He was in commercials. One time he had a Halloween party and came to pick me and my friend up in a limo. He didn’t like either of us, though, I think he was just torturing us. There was dry ice in the fruit punch; this was a special effect I had not encountered before.
6. Ozzy: Again, someone my best friend and I both liked (what is up with that?). He liked me. We made out while listening to KROQ. That was the year that "Love Cats" and "When I Think About You (I Touch Myself)" came out. I also wrote him a card every day I was on vacation. He is now completely and totally gay. Coincidence?
7. Jason #1: Another actor. He was so smart and funny. I loved him. He was indifferent to me. I followed him around like a moony calf. Boy, was I a sucker.
8. K: One of Jason #1’s friends. I switched my love onto him. He was achingly smart and not interested in the ladies. He did teach me to play chess and encourage a previously dormant interest in Physics, though.
9. Jason #2: Jason #1’s best friend. A guitar player. Hot. He was also dating a very close friend of mine (I think I need to see my shrink!). We actually had a long, tempestuous relationship for a number of years, which ended when he cheated on me with a third-tier celebrity/model. Then, he and the first girl hooked back up and became heroin addicts together. Yikes.
10. Mitch: Another guitar player.
11. Ed: An opera singer. I was horribly mean to him. He wrote me love letters and I laughed. I don’t know why.
12. Mickey: ANOTHER guitar player. I sang, briefly, in his band. Then he, too, became a heroin addict, and went to jail.
13. Eddie: An older, gangster type guy, who had a huge house where he let me live when I lost my job. He was very sweet and thoughtful… for a gangster.
14. M: Another mobbed-up guy, this one Turkish. We got married and lived together for a year in Turkey so he could get his visa back (long story). We never even kissed, though, because he liked blondes. I guess we are still married, but I don’t know where he is, so…. Hmm. Maybe I should figure that out?
15. A: The Turkish guy with bright blue eyes who escorted me around town while my "husband" ignored me. He looked like Errol Flynn. I told him that I loved him, and I may have even thought it was true, but it wasn’t.
16. Jason #3: A bass player. He was great. I really fell hard for him. This may be the first guy that EVER used the words "My Girlfriend" when introducing me to people (and that includes BFs that I had lived with!). He liked to gamble though. A lot. That was a rough breakup.
17. Mike: Another guitar player (I never even saw these patterns before, I’ll have you know, and it is freaking me out). This one ended fairly quickly, when he revealed that he liked to take speed, dress up in high heels and stockings, and shoot guns. I am not kidding. Later, I chanced to meet this guy’s father. He had a tattoo of a SWASTIKA. I think I may have fainted when I saw that.
I am tired of boys. To hell with the lot of them.