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Battle of the Children's Book Bands

Contest! Win an ARC of Real Live Boyfriends


My publisher, Random House, is giving away ten ARCs (advance reading copies) of the fourth Ruby Oliver book, REAL LIVE BOYFRIENDS.  The book itself comes out December 28, 2010, but you can read it now if you win a copy in the contest.

Also: My website is finished!  (Except the "fun" page. Which does have fun on it, but doesn't LOOK fun yet.)  Edited to add: The Fun page is finished now. It is loads and loads of fun!  All new website awesomeness created by Alan Lastufka. Thanks, Alan!

MORE ALSO: the updated website means you can finally find out all about Real Live Boyfriends, and read a preview.

Here's how to enter the contest to read the whole thing. 

In The Boy Book, book 2 of the Ruby series, Roo and her friends make lists. Here are two examples, and pay attention! Because to enter the contest, you have to write either 

1. a translation of boy-speak or
2. a clever comeback to a catcall and post it two places!

Here are the two places you post it.

1. your Twitter feed, Facebook page or blog or anything else public, with the hashtag #RubyOliverBooks if on Twitter. Give a shortie explanation of the reason you're doing it if there's room -- because after all, we (me and Random House) want to spread the word about the Ruby books, which are all out in pretty new paperback jackets and easy to find in nearly any bookshop. My eternal gratitude if you link to the website page about the new book....
2. post it again in the comments here with a link if possible, so I know you did it! 

Deadline: Thursday night, October 14, midnight!  Then check back on the blog on Monday Oct 17 to find out the winners.  

So, to recap. Write either a Translation of Boy-Speak or a Clever Comeback to a Catcall (see Ruby Oliver's examples, below). Post your entry in public and in the comments here by Oct 14 midnight. Maybe win a copy of Real Live Boyfriends, months before it comes out! 

And even if you don't, you will benefit humanity with your entry.



Boy-Speak: Introuction to a Foreign Language

What he says: I never felt this way before.
What is understood: He loves me!
What he means: Can we get to the nether regions, now?

What he says: I'll call you.
What is understood: He'll call me.
What he means: I don't want to see you again.

 What he says: It's not you, it's me.
What is understood: He's got some meaningful problem going on in his life that's blocking him from being anyone's boyfriend, even mine, though he likes me so much.
What he means: I like someone else.

 What he says: We're just really good friends.
What is understood: Nothing is going on between him and that other girl.
What he means: We have a flirtation, but I don't want you to bug me.

 What he says: I'm so messed up.
What is understood: He needs my support and help.
What he means: I want you to leave me alone.

Also from THE BOY BOOK.  Clever Comebacks to Catcalls -- ie. things to say when someone makes a lewd, rude comment to you, in school or on the street.


  1. Join the 21st Century.

  2. Try to imagine how little I care.

  3. Have you had your brain checked? I think the warranty has run out.

  4.  I can't get angry at you, today. It's 'Be Kind to Animals Week'.

  5.  Didn't I dissect you in Biology class?

  6.  Did you take your medication today?

  7.  I'll try smiling--if you try being smarter.

  8.  I'm curious, did your mother raise all of her children to be sexists, or did she single you out?

And some extras, for specific situations:  

If he says, "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy," then you say, "If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing."

And if he says, "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Answer, "Do not enter."

And if he calls down the street as you ignore him, "Hey baby, don't be rude!" Reply, "I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."

And if he says, "Can I see you sometime?" Say, "How about never? Is never good for you?"