As I've said before, we are love-whomever-you-love, it's-all-good, equal opportunity types here at The Boyfriend List. As it says in the sidebar -- don't matter if you're not straight, send in those lists!
I put up my first gay boyfriend list, by teen novelist Brent Hartinger, last month. And here, now, the first girlfriend list! From a girl. Or rather, from a woman. So thanks to YA lit blogger "Connorgal," whose website makes extremely interesting reading for people interested in young adult literature.
By the way -- she had WAY more fun in grad school than I did. It was entirely romance-free, and almost entirely flirtation-free, in my experience.
Also, note excellent break-up advice in #8.
Connorgal's Girlfriend List
1. Sentence Diagramming Queen, aka RD. My seventh-grade English teacher. I was so in love with her that I kept track of what she woreevery day, doodled her initials all over my textbooks, and babysat forher for free. As she was a devoted Catholic with two boys and a
fairly conservative life, I feel sure she was undeserving of my love and would never return it. I will always, however, remember the time she put her hand on my head as I knelt by my desk to pick up a book and, at the same time, ask her a question about a newspaper article. The things I learned at that moment about feeling tingly and wrigglyand happy surely came in handy later. RD, where are you now?
2. TB, also not a girlfriend, but the love of my life freshman and sophomore year in college. Let's call her Forestry Girl. We even roomed together sophomore year. This is a mistake. Never, ever, ever
room with someone you're desperately in love with and can't actually be with because that person has a different sexual orientation. She was (and still is) a kind and generous person who said, "That must
have been a really hard year for you!" when she found out. I was comforted when she married someone with the same color hair as I have (that is to say, red). She now lives in a small town and works at Wal-Mart. I definitely prefer MY life.
3. MRdelosC. As my friend T-lo used to say, "Your first girlfriend was a Lesbianese woman from U-are-gay?" Yes indeed. My Uruguayan girlfriend (whose family was originally from Lebanon) finally captured
me at a Greens Party party. We first kissed in a Ramada Inn the night of Bill Clinton's election just after I drank about four diet Dr. Peppers and she drank about four bottle of beer and, using the payphones, she called her mother in Montevideo to shout, "Gano Clinton! Mama! GANO CLINTON!" Oh, those heady days of kissing an alcoholic woman behind the Coca-Cola machine! Needless to say, this relationship, though "real," did not last very long. It DID involve my coming out to my parents, however, so beyond MR's inherent drama, I had my own Christmas-morning revelation scene with my mother. It wasn't pretty.
I went to London for four months on a semester-abroad trip, and wasted
it all pining for MR. BIG MISTAKE! But then I came back...
4. EC, aka Nag Champa Woman. Never date a woman who's involved with more than one or two forms of twelve-stepping. Or one who's also involved with the evil that is known as "re-evaluation counseling." Though this did have the benefit of a bearskin rug, a fireplace, and an outdoor hot tub. Note: this girlfriend regarded caffeine-free diet Pepsi as something that would give her a total rush. We haven't spoken since I refused to regard the Y2K "crisis" as a real threat.
5. Susie Bright. Oh, just kidding. She's my fantasy girlfriend. Plus, she introduced the concept of Herotica into my life. Ah, those sex-positive feminists!
Then I moved to go to graduate school. Graduate school is a good place for finding boy or girlfriends. Lots of people with a lot of free time, little money, and need for companionship.
6. DF. Another "exotic" girlfriend! From Israel, this time. We hadsort of a wild relationship at first, then she had her first manic episode, and so I ended it--you know, like, get right with lithium before we embark on this. She was Not Happy with me. Her sister practically spat upon me whenever she saw me on campus. Yowzah.
7. Math woman. Lived hours away. We met through a mutual friend. This was a light connection which began when we were on the phone and I was making soup with Great Northern beans and she said, "Hey, you want to hook up?"
Not surprisingly, this relationship was somewhat short term.
8. DF#2. This time (her bipolar disorder firmly in hand), we had an actual relationship. But things went sour about five months in. I was a Total Coward and acted like a complete, er, jerk until she broke up with me. Never do this--it is Evil. If you want to break up, do it; the pain is a lot better than the pain of knowing you were a coward and a schmuck. Ergh.
9. DG, aka "Truck girl." I gave up my New Yorker subscription. Curtailed my volunteer activities. Tried to help at all times when her serious clinical depression kicked in. D'oh. Another hint: If
someone has a lot of experience leaving people by hooking up with new people and abandoning the previous girlfriend, DO NOT hook up with her/him. Karma later kicked in for her and the skankdog she left me for (try to follow this movie script) left her for another woman. Me, I was glad to reclaim my New Yorker subscription (snotty elitist that I am).
10. and 11. Not really girlfriends. One had two other partners at the time, one is a traveling singer-songwriter. Nice for occasional closeness and staying in the game during the rebound time.
I moved to another state. And met...
12. Current girlfriend. This one's practically perfect, so what's to say? I lucked into this relationship when I moved into her house sight unseen. Gradually, I Fell in Love With My Landlady. Luckily,
she feels the same. She likes classical music, literary fiction, slow cooking, leftie politics; understands the Midwest as she's also from there. She's super-smart, supportive about my writing, and quite a bit older than I; she's established in her profession, owns a house, and introduced me to the joys of wine. I wish she liked YA fiction and mysteries a bit more, but then she probably wishes I liked incredibly bleak fiction a bit more. A total winner.